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Just... what the fuck?

The Hunger Games

Review: The Hunger Games

First and foremost, I do realize that I am beyond late on reviewing this movie. Originally, I discovered that The Hunger Games existed solely because of a preview prior to a movie I saw in theaters. A week or so later, I then realized that this movie was based off of a book that was located in the "Young Adult" section. It is safe to assume that I was in no way eager to see this movie, given that I hate (practically) anything and everything a "young adult" would find "cool". Also, once I found out that it was a trilogy, I immediately grew less interested.

Side note: I was on board with the first three Star Wars and Indiana Jones. I even agree with all of the Harry Potter movies (even though I think the first 2 and 1/2 movies are lame and too "Disney" for me), but why the hell does there need to be a Madagascar 3/Ice Age 4/Step Up 33? This just goes to show you that "young adults" are easily amused and blind to relevant, original story structure, therefore useless, and need to stop being catered to. Step it up, screen writers.

Beyond that, my only other exposure to The Hunger Games was Audrey very much soberly buying the book on her Kindle Fire and people blurting out major plot points in conversation. It amused me to see people's reactions to when I told them that I haven't read/seen it, nor do we care to. Needless to say, we were both embarrassed of our exposure to it at this point. The argument behind our Redbox purchase was simply "why the fuck not?"

Moving forward, please note that I did not pay full attention to this movie whatsoever, nor do I really care about spoiling it for anyone or having anyone inform me of anything I may be wrong about. Here are the points that stuck out to me:

1) Magical healing cream: Hey, we need these characters to get injured to increase tension and reliability amongst each other, yet, we cannot have them being injured throughout the movie. Just throw some instant healing stuff and now they are better. GENIUS!

2) More brutality: This movie would have been better had they showed more senseless killing. There is no joke there, just show that dude from District 11 fucking people up.

3) People from the future: Why does everyone look so fucking stupid in the future?

4) Obvious social commentary: There is some sort of undertone in this movie/series, but I just cannot put my finger on it. This is exactly what "young adults" (or fucktards, as they should be referred to as) need, fictional cultural morals that apply to our own.

5) Dumb love triangle: Only knowing that there are more movies in this series (without knowing the plot whatsoever), I can tell that there will be a love triangle between the two main characters and "futuristic hipster dude who doesn't want to give in and watch the Hunger Games".

6) Battle Royale: Instead of watching The Hunger Games, just watch Battle Royale. You are welcome.

Overall, I actually enjoyed this movie despite the six points I brought up. On a scale of 1-10 (1 being the worst, and 10 being the best), I would give it about a 6.5/10. Afterwards, Audrey and I read the synopsis of the next books and absolutely hated what we read. Knowing what happens in the next movies saved me two future rentals and a total of seven hours. Originally, Aud and I imagined that it was a commentary on how ridiculous reality TV has become (which, if left at that, would have made for such a better series), but learned that it becomes so much more political and outrageous. Yes, I understand the concept is initially ridiculous to begin with, but this shit is just stupid. Political revolutions can be awesome, but once you insert a love triangle into it, I have no interest.

Ideas to make this movie better:

1) Actually do this: We should, as a society, vote for people we would actually like to see thrown into a death match. Winner could be exempt from any future battles. Could you imagine seeing Kim Kardashian, Jan Brewer, Bono, a raptor, Honey Boo Boo, and Tom Shane (from the Shane Company) square off? I would pay good money for that and we, as a society, would be better off.

2) Not make a second or third film: It was good decent as is.

3) Redbox something else: Don't go through this entire process and just watch something else, bro.

SPORTS!SPORTS!SPORTS!SPORTS!, etc.

Sports Rules: 

Here are some simple rules on how to be an appropriate sports fan:

1. There is a difference between "bandwagoning" and supporting a team whose franchise has not seen success in decades. 
1. Bandwagoning example: "OMFG teh 493R5 r d4 b35t t34m 3v3R 4nD c4nn0t b3 b34t3n 3v3R. 493R5 4 LYf3." -Douchebag who lives in Arizona
2. Sports fan example: "I hope the Pittsburgh Pirates make the playoffs. They are doing well this season and haven't been relevant in decades." -Reasonable dude in Arizona
2.  The TV cannot hear you, nor can it relay your anger/happiness to the actual teams/players/referees no matter how loud you get.
1.  Please stop this at once.
3. How much team gear you own/wear does not relate to how big of a fan you are, nor will it affect the outcome of the game.
1.  Just because you wore that jersey last week and your team won does not mean that wearing it again without washing it will produce the same outcome.
4. If someone is wearing the other team's jersey, that does not automatically make them a douchebag. Wait until they open their mouth and say something stupid to make said judgment.
1.  That is, unless they are a Packers/New York/Boston fan.
5. If your team wins, it doesn't make you a winner.
6. No one cares about who you have on your fantasy sports team.
7. Put your shirt back on. 
1. No one wants to see that, bro.